Unforgettable: Appendix
by Namls
Summary: A companion to my series Unforgettable.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: This is the first out of a number of stories which belong to my "Unforgettable" series. They are not in chronological order, but in the order I wrote them. They were either written after the original story had been posted, or I decided not to include them in the original because they gave away too much information too soon or slowed the pace down. They are basically side stories that serve no purpose to moving the original plot forward, but I wanted to write them anyway to fill out blanks. I am open for suggestions if anyone has an idea for a chapter in this section.

**Disclaimer**: Based on characters and places created by JRR Tolkien. Used without permission but also without profit.

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**On a river bank, May of 1425**

At first he barely noticed hitting the rock, or even that he stopped moving. All he could feel was pain, in every inch of his body, a pain which was not eased but rather increased by the paralysing cold of the water. But then his head bobbed into the rock that had stopped his journey down the river and his head cleared long enough for him to notice that he was no longer out in the middle of the river, carried by the streams, but that he had been tossed towards the shore and now stopped. For a brief moment it mattered, then he stopped caring. All he wanted was to escape this pain, this horrible pain which made it hard for him to breathe. He could feel a sharp pain in his arm and in his thigh, but nothing was worse than the overwhelming pain coming from his chest. Gathering some of the little strength he had left in him he reached up his hand and felt a wooden stick and with it something warm in the midst of all the cold. His own blood escaping him from a deep wound.

He was already beginning to forget. He could not recall where he was or why he had ended up there, all that existed was the pain. All that mattered was to get away from it. Gathering his last strength he reached out his hand and grabbed on to the gravel on the shoreline, pulling himself out of the water. What felt like an eternity and a great pull was in fact a brief second and brought him no further to the shore. His strength was spent. He relaxed his body and gave in.

All sounds of the raging river went away and slowly the pain began to fade. He was dry now, lying in woodlands, slowly his strength was returning. There were no sounds around him, no wind in the trees, no birds chirping, no animals. He opened his eyes and took a moment to focus. The pain was fading faster, and slowly he began to be able to smell the woodland around him. And he could hear. He could hear someone approaching him. Somehow he knew not to fear, the orcs that had attacked him did not walk with such steps. These steps belonged to somebody else. He could see clearly now, see Boromir walk up to him through the woods, looking just like he remembered him from that last fatal day they had spent together, so long ago.

Boromir stopped by his feet with a grim look on his face.

"I didn't expect you so soon" he said. "Merry…"

A smile spread across Merry's face.

"I'm safe now" he said, his voice trembling. "Dear friend, I have been longing to see you… and thank you."

"I cannot accept this" Boromir said and kneeled by him. "I did not die for you to be killed by orcs in the end anyway. This is not how I will allow you to end. Why are you giving up? Why are you not fighting?"

"I don't want to feel the pain anymore" Merry said. "I don't want to feel the cold. I don't want to feel my life slowly slipping away from me. Here I am safe. Here I want to stay. Here I want to travel with you once more."

"Fight it" Boromir said through gritted teeth and rose again. He gave Merry a less than gentle kick causing the Hobbit to crawl up in foetal position and whimper.

"Stop it!" he complained. "It hurts when you do that!"

Boromir kicked him again and the pain he had been feeling in the water came back for a long horrible second.

"Get up!" Boromir said in a tone that didn't accept any arguments. "Get up Merry! I will not welcome you here, get up!"

Merry looked up at him with desperation in his eyes. Boromir had always protected him and now he was pushing him away. Away from the wonderful release of pain, away from the warmth, the light and the safety.

"Get up, on your feet!"

Merry tried to fight it with all his might, but each kick from Boromir forced him back onto his feet until suddenly he was no longer in the shelter of the woods but pack in the river, all the pain returned to him. He could not open his eyes, and when he opened his mouth to cry out in pain all he managed was a whimper.

"Fight!" he could still hear Boromir say.

His hands grasped the arrow sticking out of his chest, and Boromir's hands were there too. He was alone in the river, but Boromir's strength pulled the arrow from his chest and tossed it aside. He turned on his stomach and tried one more desperate attempt at getting out of the river, crying, wanting nothing but to get to go back to the woodlands. But Boromir's angry orders kept ringing in his ears and he fought to pull himself out of the water before it would be too late.

**XX  
XX**

When they found him he had gotten half way out of the river. He was lying unconscious on the ground, still bleeding but not as badly as before. Though one look at him told them he had no chance of surviving if they did not assist him at once.

Five of them grabbed a hold of him, one by each limb and one by the torso, and they lifted him up and carried him away.


	2. Chapter 2

Uhm, okay, first update in years I think... Don't think anybody still reads this, but you never know =) This was written quite a while ago and I just found it on my computer. There are a few other appendix chapters as well, I will post them sometime in the future.

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**Ithilien, June of 1425**

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Faramir, Steward of Gondor and Prince of Ithilien, walked down the hallway to his wife's bedroom in the evening. It was a lovely summer evening, normally all the windows would have been open to let the warm summer breeze in and fill the rooms with lovely scents from the gardens. Though this summer the windows were often kept closed, a slight feeling of shock still lay over the city built on the hills of Emyn Arnen, the city which had been given the name Emynare when it was built.  
Since the Great War they had been blessed with peaceful times and no orcs, trolls or other vial creatures had been spotted for years. Now Master Meriadoc, one of the soldiers of the Great War who was held in high regards in Ithilien, had been slain by orcs close to the city. The loss of a young hero, most people thought he was but a teenager because of his size, by the hand of orcs had brought back sad memories of the past and even a fear that evil was returning to the lands. Faramir had no such fears; a band of orcs was no proof of an evil force returning to Middle-Earth. But the loss of a Hobbit had been a painful experience for everyone involved.  
He entered his wife's bedroom and found Éowyn sitting on a stool by her mirror, brushing her long blonde hair with a look on her face that reminded Faramir of the first days they had met. The same shadow seemed to have fallen over her spirit only this time she had gone into hiding instead of wishing to charge out and face it head on.  
She looked up when he entered and managed a smile. She felt bad for Faramir, she had not been a very joyous wife to him during the past month and though he was patient with her she knew it must be trying his patience. She had been very close to the dead Perian, but Faramir had known him too and cared for him. He had also been his Captain and overseer while he visited Ithilien and had held a responsibility for his safety. Éowyn should have been standing beside Faramir during this time, showing him her support and casting aside her own feelings. She knew that was how it should be, but she couldn't muster up the strength to play that role. Not right now.  
Faramir walked over to her with a loving smile and gently took the brush from her hand, placing it on the bureau. He lifted aside her long hair and placed a kiss on her neck. Éowyn kept in a sigh.  
"My lord…" she said, speaking to him formally as she always did when she was distressed or irate. This time it was the former. "My lord I am sorry."  
He let her hair fall back and gently brushed her cheek with his thumb. She knew what he wanted, and she knew it was her duty to do as he wished, but she also knew that she could not stand the thought of it right now. Faramir was gentle and compassionate and would never dream of insisting, but she knew he must be getting tired of her resisting. They had not shared a bed since grief had come back into her life.  
"Forgive me" she said and looked down on her hands. "My heart is too troubled. Though I have known great grief in my past it has often come hand in hand with great joys, after the War there was little reason to sit down and grieve. Now there is no joy and I need a little more time before I can cast this sorrow aside."  
Faramir knelt down beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder.  
"Do you not think I see your sorrow?" he asked. "Take as much time as you need, my lady. I am here for you for better and for worse, and if you need more time to heal then by all means."  
"Thank you for being so understanding" she said. "Not all men would understand carrying such a sorrow for the loss of an esquire, one who has only been in your service for a few years."  
"He was more than your esquire" Faramir said.  
Éowyn nodded and closed her eyes. She had only just began to deal with the shock of Merry's death, for the longest time she had tried to tell herself that it had not happened, the Hobbit was in the Shire where he belonged, safe and sound.  
"Allow me to stay with you here tonight" Faramir said. "You should not be alone when your heart is aching. There is no reason why a husband cannot share his wife's bed doing nothing but holding her."  
"No" Éowyn said. "No. Please. I must be alone. I have too many thoughts to sort out and those thoughts must be thought of in private."  
"Very well then" Faramir nodded and rose. "You know where to find me should you change your mind. And as for the other part… When you are ready, let me know. I will be waiting."  
He left the room and on top of everything else Éowyn felt guilty. She knew Faramir was a true gem; he was understanding and compassionate and he would always stand by her no matter what. He was exactly the kind of husband she needed to have in times like these, but she was not able to be the wife he needed in return. A man like Faramir should have a wife who was always there by his side, playing her role to perfection, or rather _living_ the role to perfection. He deserved a woman who tended to his needs at all times the way he tended to his wife's; he deserved a woman who didn't push him away to deal with her own emotional turmoil.

X

Faramir sat out on his balcony, reading a newspaper and having a cup of tea. Summer had gone by and October had come with leaves turning yellow and read and with frost in the morning. The latter made him think of his wife, although it had been years since he had last thought of the two together. She was frozen again, not as badly as she had been in the past, but it seemed that when sorrow hit her the sun disappeared from her world and winter took over. The last time around Faramir had been the one to bring the sun back into her life; this time he had to wait for her to let the sunlight in on her own.  
Just as he was thinking about her she appeared, almost resembling the frost in her appearance, clad in a white gown with silver threads which glistened like the frost did under the sun. He looked up at her and put his paper away. Something in her face was different today.  
"My lord…" she said.  
"Milady."  
"I was wondering if perhaps…"  
A blush appeared on her face and she looked away. Faramir sat up straight in his chair and studied her intensely.  
"Wondering what?"  
"The worst grief has passed me now. I feel I am ready to go back to life. And I was wondering if perhaps you would wish to start life again with me this evening?"  
"Nothing would bring me more joy" Faramir said and took her hands, leading her to sit in the chair next to his. "Though not for the privilege of being allowed back into your bedroom, but for the relief of seeing you come through the woods and out in the open again. I can see the change in you, it pleases me."  
"Faramir…" she said and looked sad again for a moment. "I am not worthy of your love. I have shamed you for grieving an esquire so openly, a male esquire, and for shutting you out. I can never make that up to you. I want everything that's good in the world for you; you have my utter devotion and gratitude. I'm just sorry I cannot be the wife you deserve."  
"You have not shamed me one bit" Faramir insisted. "You have a big heart which aches when it loses and that is not a bad quality. Don't feel any guilt or sadness anymore, not on my account. If you want to do something for me in return then smile and laugh and sing and show the world that nothing can break the White Lady of Ithilien, Princess of the Mark. Nothing would bring me greater pleasure."  
Éowyn smiled and leaned over to hold him. She had worked hard for the past months to get over her grief and her feelings of guilt and now that she felt ready to be side by side with Faramir again she was relieved that he had been patient and waited for her. She truly felt she didn't deserve it but he was willing to give it to her and the only way she knew of doing him right was to accept what he offered. She wanted to make him happy more than anything in the world.

X

Tired and sweaty, but at peace and filled with true happiness for the first time in over a year Éowyn looked down at her newborn son resting in her arms and could not believe her good fortune. A year ago she had been lost in the darkness and now she was in the brightest of lights; once again it was Faramir who had given her happiness. She could not feel any sorrow, not even when thinking about those she loved who were now dead, when she looked into her son's face. He took after Faramir a lot but she could see herself in him too; it was amazing that this little person had just suddenly begun to exist and that he was both herself and her husband.  
Faramir, in the other end of the room, lifted up a carafe with cold water and a towel he had wet to wipe his wife's forehead with. She was sweating, her face was red from the strain it had been put through and her whole appearance spoke of fatigue and pain. Yet she had never been more beautiful to Faramir than she was at this moment, holding their child in her arms and looking at him with eyes that sparkled with joy.  
Their son had not come into the world easily, but Éowyn had not minded. The long and painful process had oddly enough strengthened her; it was as if it had washed away the sins of her past and made her whole and new again. The medic had told Faramir once it was all over that the Princess Éowyn would never be able to bear a child again, and while it had saddened Faramir he had the feeling his wife would not be as concerned. It was clear from the look in her eyes that she did not believe that any child could be better than the one they now had.  
He sat down by her bedside and gently wiped the sweat off her forehead. Then he picked up the glass on the nightstand, filled it with water and helped her to drink it. He took a sip for himself and put the glass away, then he looked down at his son and knew that Éowyn must be right, no other child could be better than this one.  
Éowyn lifted her eyes from her son to her husband and the beaming look on his face filled her heart with even more joy. This was her gift to him; every trouble she had caused him was forgiven now that she had bore him a son.  
Faramir's eyes met hers and he leaned down to give her a kiss. For the first time in over a year Éowyn felt not the least shred of Merry's ghost; today she had been given the chance to put all of that behind her and start anew. The birth of her son marked a whole new beginning and she vowed silently that this child would never have to see any sadness in his mother's face. She would only laugh and smile with him and he would grow up to laugh and smile as well. This was the future.

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	3. Chapter 3

**The Shire, September of 1425**

With a heavy sigh Pippin walked up the path to Crickhollow. He had returned to the Shire the day before and had been forced to give the news of Merry's passing to his family. It had been less emotional than he had expected, at least on Pippin's part, he had managed to keep his cool while he told his aunt and uncle that their son would never come home. He had spent the night at Brandy Hall together with Legolas and Gimli and they had been with him when he rode to the Smials earlier in the day to tell his parents the news, and to speak with Sam who had been summoned there. Now Pippin was alone, he wanted to return home by himself. He would see Legolas and Gimli in the morning before they left but this night he would be all by himself.  
He had thought it would be a relief to come back home. To get to sleep in his own bed and have breakfast at his own table. He had thought the familiarity would comfort him. He hadn't realised yet how little there would be that seemed familiar.  
He opened the door and stepped inside, setting his pack down on the floor with a heavy gruff.  
"Merry?" he cried out from force of habit.  
For a second he waited for an answer and then he remembered reality. For just a moment he had drifted back into his old ways and figured that Merry was somewhere in the halls and could come help him unpack. But Merry was not going to come.  
With a huge lump in his throat Pippin walked down the corridor into the room that had belonged to Merry. It looked just like he had left it; it even had the cape thrown on the bed that Merry had decided at the last minute that he didn't need to bring. There was a dip at the head of the bed where one of the pillows was missing. Pippin had not bothered bringing the pillow back. All in all the room seemed just like Pippin was used to seeing it. Only it was so quiet.  
The whole house was quiet. The silence was nearly suffocating. Pippin left Merry's room and went over to his own and stood in the doorway for a long time without being able to move. Suddenly he realised just how alone he would be this night. There would be nobody there for him to say goodnight to, nobody who sat with him in the kitchen and drank a hot cup of tea before going to bed. When he woke up in the morning there would be no one else around, already serving breakfast or needing to be woken up. The house was quiet and it would stay quiet.

X

Pippin moved back to the Great Smials, to the joy of his parents who were happy to have him around again. Especially at a time like this, when he was far too preoccupied to be able to take any proper care of a household or anything else that he would have had to care for at Crickhollow. As the months passed Pippin learned how to hide the sorrow he still carried and to put on an act in front of his family. Some aspects of Pippin's grief scared him and he was afraid to let anybody else see those sides. He was not strong enough yet to smile and laugh in public; he had quickly learned that people didn't think it was appropriate for him to do so when less than a year had passed since Merry's death, but he managed to conceal the worst part of grief and act as normal as he could.  
That spring a young Hobbit arrived from Long Cleeve, a distant relative to Pippin, one of the North-Tooks that descended from Bandobras "Bullroarer". Her name was Diamond and her distant relations aside she had never met most of the Hobbits at the Great Smials before, including Pippin. They met briefly when she first arrived and Pippin gave her a courteous greeting, but since the weather had improved he spent most of his time outdoors, away from the Smials.  
Their first conversation took place three weeks after she first arrived. Pippin had just finished breakfast and retreated to his bedroom. He sat down on a small chair by his dresser to look for his cufflinks and glanced up at the mirror. He recoiled slightly when he caught his own reflection. He could have sworn he had seen Merry right there next to him. But it was all in his head, he had grown so accustomed to always being side by side with Merry that he still expected to see him there. With such a lousy start to his morning he was convinced the rest of the day would be awful.  
The door to his bedroom opened and Diamond entered with a feather duster in her hand, whistling a happy tune. Pippin stared at her and she stared back, covering her mouth with the hand that held the duster.  
"Oh Master Peregrin!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry! I thought you had gone out, otherwise I would have knocked."  
"Fool of a Took" Pippin said but waved her in. "Don't mind me, I will be out of here in a second. I just need to get my cufflinks."  
"Alright" she said and looked doubtful, but then she smiled and proceeded to dust the dresser.  
"It amazes me how lazy this family have gotten" Pippin remarked, wanting to avoid an awkward silence. "When I was younger my mother used to make me dust my own room. When I got older I tricked my sisters into doing it for me. Now we have other people move here to do that job. Lovely career."  
"Oh it doesn't bother me" Diamond said with a cheerful smile. "Your parents are busy Hobbits, I'm only glad to help."  
Pippin thought about telling her that his father spent a lot of his time smoking pipeweed and reading books but thought it better not to say anything. She continued to dust the dresser and then came over and ran the feather duster over Pippin's head a few times. He looked at her with surprise.  
"You looked like you could use a little dusting too" she said and then chuckled. "Weren't you looking for your cufflinks? You need to improve your searching skills; just sitting there is not going to make them magically jump into your hands."  
"Sorry, my mind was elsewhere" Pippin mumbled, not quite sure why he was apologising to her.  
He grabbed his cufflinks, put them on and then fled the room before she decided he needed some more dusting.

X

Two nights later a party was held not far from the Smials and most of the employees were given the evening off so that they could attend. Pippin made a brief appearance but realised he was not in the mood for a party. What was the point of going there if everyone was just going to stare at you and lack the other half, or frown at you if you actually seemed to have a good time? He filled a pint of ale, the pint had been a gift from Aragorn once, and went home early.  
He sat down on the front door steps and gazed at the evening. The stars were out, it was a lovely night, but he could not feel it. He missed Merry so terribly when there was a party. The two of them had arranged many parties at Crickhollow and they had always had such a good time together. Where was the fun in singing and dancing if your best friend was not there to share it? And where was the point in gazing at the stars at night if there was nobody there to muse with you?  
When the evening drew near midnight he heard laughing voices approaching. He moved over so that he wouldn't be blocking the main entrance but made no move to go inside. He had no energy to get up; he preferred staying where he was. Before long two lasses came around the corner, giggling with their heads close together. As they came up to the door and began to go inside one of them stopped and took a closer look at the figure sitting on the doorstep.  
"Master Peregrin?"  
Pippin looked up and met Diamond's eyes. She was surprised to find him there and could obviously not figure out what he was doing sitting there all by himself. She said goodnight to her friend who continued inside and sat down next to Pippin, wrapping her skirts around her legs.  
"What in the name of the finest ale in the Shire are you doing sitting here all alone when there is a party going on?" she asked. "I know it may not be any of my business, but curious minds want to know."  
"I prefer sitting here to being at the party" Pippin said. "And as for ale, I've got myself a whole pint full! Almost…"  
"Why would anybody rather sit here?" she asked. "It's a lovely spring evening, perfect for singing and dancing. Don't tell me you're one of those Hobbits who dislikes spring because they get allergic to the blossoms?"  
"I get nothing of the sort."  
"That's good news."  
"If I want to sit out here I can, can't I?" Pippin said, slightly hostile. He had not asked for this company.  
"Sorry. I meant no offence. I was just curious as to whether or not you might dislike this time of year."  
"May is my favourite month, didn't you hear?" Pippin said with such obvious irony that Diamond frowned.  
"Master Peregrin… Is there something wrong? You don't look happy at all. If you don't mind me saying so."  
"No miss, I'm not happy" Pippin said with a sigh. "A year ago… A year ago I lost someone. Someone very dear to me. It was around this time of year. And I don't want to go out and celebrate that tonight… and I don't like the way everybody keeps looking at me. They can have their parties, I don't want them."  
"Who did you lose?" Diamond asked, then she realised her place. "Oh I am sorry, listen to me! What business is that of mine? You must think I'm terribly rude."  
"Or terribly inquisitive" Pippin said.  
"Still you have to admit, sitting out here all on your own is rather sad. You'd better be careful or you'll end up like my Great Aunt Mellidel."  
"Does she sit alone on the front steps missing fun parties?"  
"No, she sits on the front steps hitting everyone going in or out with a cane. She says they're disturbing her peace."  
Pippin couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of old Mellidel Took hitting people with a cane when they tried to pass her by. Diamond smiled widely when she saw the grin on his face.  
"Oh so he does laugh?" she remarked. "You should do that more often; you look cuter when you smile."  
"Oh, so you think I'm cute?" Pippin said in a teasing tone and raised an eyebrow.  
Diamond blushed.  
"I didn't mean it quite like that" she said and looked away.  
Pippin grinned.  
"Well you look very cute too" he said generously.  
"Do you find _me_ cute?" she asked with genuine surprise. "You who have looked upon Elves!"  
"Well I have had a lot of ale to drink" Pippin defended himself and laughed again while lifting up his half-full pint to prove it.  
Diamond was not quite sure whether to feel insulted or not but his laughter was contagious and soon they were both laughing. Pippin could not remember the last time he had felt so light-hearted. This lass had no knowledge of the grief he was suffering and she had never seen him together with Merry. In her eyes there was nothing missing when Pippin was by himself and there was nothing wrong with him laughing. He leaned closer and gave her a nudge with his shoulder.  
"Thank you. I needed a laugh."  
"I'll say" she chuckled. "You tend to look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You should remember that a song and a laugh can make a hard task so much lighter. Savour joy, Master Peregrin."  
"I think I need someone to remind me of that every once in a while" Pippin said, suddenly turning serious. "I'm sorry; I never caught your name."  
"Diamond Took" she said.  
"Diamond. Thank you Diamond for making me laugh."  
She smiled at him and Pippin put down his pint and reached for his pipe. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with smoke and blew it out in perfect smoke rings. He watched them rise up towards the stars and for some reason that made him feel good.  
"It really is a lovely evening" Diamond said when they had been silent for a few minutes. "I love when the stars are out."  
"That star…" Pippin said and pointed with his pipe. "That star is Eärendil, the one the Elves love the most."  
"Why do they love it the most?"  
"I… don't know" Pippin had to admit and he chuckled. "I'll have to ask."  
"I can see why they would like it" Diamond quickly said. "It has a very bright light. Brighter than the other stars."  
"It is lovely" Pippin agreed.  
"Do you think that you can wish upon it?" Diamond mused.  
"Perhaps."  
"What would you wish for?"  
The smile disappeared from Pippin's face. There was only one thing he would wish for but for some reason he didn't want to talk to Diamond about it. And it was not because he didn't know her very well, but because he didn't want her to see him as the Hobbit who had the huge grief. He didn't want her to know about his longing and how much he missed Merry. With her he was just Pippin, and that was enough.  
"What would your wish be?" he asked her instead.  
"That you would smile more often" she said and gave him a warm look. "Blushes and teasing aside… smiling becomes you."  
"There is no smiling alone" Pippin said.  
"Smile with me" Diamond said.  
"Perhaps I can do that" Pippin said and nodded slowly.  
She gave him a curious look and wondered what it was that made him look so sad. She had already forgotten that he had spoken of losing someone. For a moment it seemed like he was drifting off to another time, another life, but then he came back to her and offered her a slight smile.  
"Sometimes life changes and you aren't prepared for it" he said. "It's hard to smile through some changes. There are some cuts that go too deep… some things you can never quite heal from… But let's not talk about such things. It's been far too long since I have sat underneath a sky filled with stars and mused like this. I hope I'm not keeping you up, I don't know at what time you're expected to start work tomorrow."  
"I have tomorrow off" Diamond said. "I can sit here for a while longer."  
Pippin smiled. He was glad that she was there. He had been alone for far too long. He took a good look at Diamond under the light of the stars and had a feeling that her presence at the Smials would make a great difference to him.


End file.
